I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
