Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
