I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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