Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
