He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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