If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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