I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
