Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
