I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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