I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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