Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
