i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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