why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
