I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
