I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
