my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
