Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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