youre lurking in front of me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
