my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
