Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
