No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
