I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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