Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
