As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
