How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
