Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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