I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
