I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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