Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
