You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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