someone get that fucking seahorse.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think your dad took our porno
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
