he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
