so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
