So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
