Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
