so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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