my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
