Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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