Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
