Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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