she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
