If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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