I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
