when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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