my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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