you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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