Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
