id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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