Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
