I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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