How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
