great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
