Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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