i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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