I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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