haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
