Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
