Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I checked into jail on foursquare
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
