when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
