ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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