I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I did not marry a roomba.
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