He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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