Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
