have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
