she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.