He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
