I love black thongs
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.