Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month