threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected