This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?