pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
