Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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