she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
