Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
