Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's never too late to be topless.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
