I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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