I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
