yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love you. Go after that dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
