I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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