so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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